Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
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I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never let your siblings swipe right.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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