Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
This baby is an asshole
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
