Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
