We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
