You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
People in love make me want to vomit
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
did i just pee glitter
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
