just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
