I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
