first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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