You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
