Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
