I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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