Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
