I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
