i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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