when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
