I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
