I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
