i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
