I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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