a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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