Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
