My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
