Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
