I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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