Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
