I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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