you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
