Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
