walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
