Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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