member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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