If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
