a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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