Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
