I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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