I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Umm I'm too high to move.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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