we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
