I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
