Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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