Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
