His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
