just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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