I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
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