I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
