You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
What a dumb baby whore.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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