Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
