wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Randomize
