I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
