Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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