Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
