Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
