She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
i think im in europe. pls send help
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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