I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
