wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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