OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
