This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
