You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
