why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".