Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
