My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
