areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
