she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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