I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
