Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
