Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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