It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
