How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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