I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
