I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
