you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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