I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
