we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
