I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
