I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
