sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
