Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
