this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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