btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
